Choosing Friends Wisely

“In ten years, you will be the exact same person you are today, except for the friends you keep, the books you read, the movies you watch and the music you listen to.”  That thought was drilled into me at the Bible college I went to years ago.

Wow… That’s a powerful statement.

Wow. That’s a true statement.

Think about your last ten years. What kind of friends have you had? How has your life been changed because of those friends? More than likely, (if you hadn’t already before), you have started to be more like those friends. Your interests may have shifted, even slightly. Maybe you’ve “come out of your shell” a little? Maybe, you’ve “pulled away” more? Everything we do, we do for a reason. We have something, or someone driving us.

The thought of choosing friends wisely has been on my heart for the last several weeks. My 6 year old son's Christian school is closing at the end of this school year. I’m officially terrified about our family’s educational future. You see, I went to public school from kindergarten through 12th grade. I saw all the different “groups” school had 15 years ago. I had to choose which group I was going to be in. I vividly remember having specific friends one year, and the following year, I wasn’t close to them anymore. They choose a path, and I choose a different path. Life is full of choices. The friends you choose today will shape the rest of your life.  My 6 year old son likes to play. He plays hard, (and all of his pants show a hole in the knee because of it.)  Because his mindset is on “play”, he doesn’t have the discernment to realize some kids may not be good kids to play with. He doesn’t think that way. He thinks of one thing: “PLAY”!   He doesn’t judge character yet, it comes with time. But I realized something recently. I need to start teaching my kids more fervently about character, and choosing friends with good character.. because after, all, their friends will make or break them.

Let’s look at what the Bible says about choosing the right kind of friends- the ones with character.

We need to be friendly in order to have friends. Proverbs 18:24 - A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. This is a key part to choosing friends. We want to not only choose friendly friends, but we want to BE friendly friends. The saying “we attract what we are” is true. If we are friendly, we will be drawn to friendly people. Friendly people are loving, joyous, peaceful, longsuffering, gentle, good, faithful, meek, temperate. Do these sound familiar? They are the fruits of the Spirit. If we are going to be selective in our friendship, and choose the right kinds of friends, we also need to realize the characteristics we need to possess.

We need to be selective about our friends. Encouraging, helpful friends are vital. Proverbs 13:20 - He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 22:24-25 - Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. The Bible clearly tell that foolish friends will destroy us. 1 Corinthians 15:33 - Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.This verse has been on my mind more than others. My husband and I have worked hard to teach our children good manners, good attitudes, and doing the right thing. It doesn’t take much effort for those good manners to be corrupted by a bad friend.  

It’s important as adults for us to choose our friends wisely, and It’s equally important to teach our children how to choose their friends wisely. 2 Corinthians 6:14 - Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? We see this verse often in reference to marriage, but it’s just as important in friendships. We should not have close friends who do no not have the same values as us. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the Great Commission, and trying to warn people about hell. I believe Heaven is real, and we can all go there if we’ve accepted Christ as our Saviour. I do believe, however, that our close friends will change us, and therefore, we need to be very selective with who we associate with. Proverbs 14:6-7 - A scorner seeketh wisdom, and findeth it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understandeth. Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge. After we are around someone for any length of time, we learn who they are. If they are not who we should be, we should not spend more time with them. It’s a simple concept. A hard concept to follow through with, but something we should all remember.

We need to be willing to tell a friend when they are wrong. They will make us, and we will make them. Communication is crucial in every relationship- including friendships. There are some hard conversations we need to have sometimes, but…. they are the most important ones.  Proverbs 27:17 - Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Sometimes, in our human nature, we make bad choices. Those choices, if not corrected, can affect the rest of our lives. There may be only a few, close friends you would listen to if they told you that you were making a bad decision. Those are the friends you need. Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. We are human, we make bad choices, we fall, we get back up. Life truly is an adventure. We need to have the kind of friends that will still love us when we fall, that will love us when we fly, and that will encourage us to always do the right thing. Proverbs 27:5-6 - Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.  Have you ever had a friend tell you the truth, even though it was hard to hear it? That’s the kind of friend we need to be. We do have to remember, however, that the right thing, said at the wrong time, is still not right.