Communication is Vital

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”    ― George Bernard Shaw

Too many people are fighting these days. It's insane. Don't get me wrong, I know arguments will happen- we're all human. But until people can learn how to communicate, and communicate effectively, nothing will be adequately solved. My dad taught me at a young age the importance of communication. He realized it’s necessity because of how much he had lacked it in his relationships.  It wasn't until I married my husband, I realized how right my dad was: communication is absolutely essential for a marriage to work. Recently, I've learned how essential it is in every successful relationship, including the work force, between children, in ministry, with friends, it’s needed everywhere.  

We live in a day in age where we are so worried we will offend someone if we tell them the truth, so we simply do not tell them anything. It’s destroying our relationships- all of them.  When communication is lacking, it’s our human nature to assume. Henry Winkler was right when he said: “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” However, when communication is present, there is no room for questions, there’s no room for assumptions, and there’s no room for relational termites.

The definition of communication is "the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs."   The Bible even talks about communication. In Ephesians 4:29, we read- Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.  This is often the verse we go to when we don’t want to tell somebody something is wrong, when we don’t want to communicate. We worry we might hurt someone with the truth, so we just don’t tell them. The definition for the word corrupt is: “guilty of dishonest practices, as bribery; lacking integrity; crooked: debased in character; depraved; perverted; wicked; evil” We’re not supposed to have evil, corrupt communication come out of our mouths. Simple. We are supposed to be encouraging. Simple. We forget however, that we are supposed to help our friends become better, and more like Christ. We are reminded of this in Proverbs 27:17 - “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” We’re supposed to help each other, to communicate, to love, and edify each other. This is not done unless there is communication.

The Bible says in Colossians 4:6 - Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.  Our words need to be good words, helpful, encouraging words, but they also need to be truthful. There are few things more powerful than the truth, spoken with grace, and done tastefully. On the contrary, there are few things LESS tasteful, than the lack of truth, containing no grace, and done hurtfully. People remember how communication is handled, or how it is overlooked. If we are going to be influential people, we HAVE to learn how to communicate Biblically.  

Matthew 12:35 reminds us that “A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.”  When you have the right heart, your conversations, your communications will be done correctly. We need to constantly check our hearts, and ask God to make sure we have the fruits of the spirit with us. Colossians 3:8 tells us some characteristics we should not have in our communication - “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.”  Doing, and saying the right things is not always easy, but it’s the absolute best way for our communication to be given, and received correctly.

Before you become afraid to ever talk again, I wanted to share with you some verses about communication. In Psalms 55:14, The Bible says - “We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.” When we are in good company, communicating correctly, our conversations will be sweet, and Godly. Luke 24:14-15 tells us “And they talked together of all these things which had happened. And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.”  We’re supposed to talk to each other. We're supposed to have good, Godly friends.  When we have the kind of communication we are supposed to, the Bible says God will be with us. In Malachi 3:16 The Bible says “Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.”  Communication is VITAL to every relationship. It needs to be done frequently, and it needs to be done correctly. Communication needs to be in every single relationship- at home, at work, in ministry, everywhere, so as not to let the termites of assumption eat away, and destroy our relationships.

Choosing Friends Wisely

“In ten years, you will be the exact same person you are today, except for the friends you keep, the books you read, the movies you watch and the music you listen to.”  That thought was drilled into me at the Bible college I went to years ago.

Wow… That’s a powerful statement.

Wow. That’s a true statement.

Think about your last ten years. What kind of friends have you had? How has your life been changed because of those friends? More than likely, (if you hadn’t already before), you have started to be more like those friends. Your interests may have shifted, even slightly. Maybe you’ve “come out of your shell” a little? Maybe, you’ve “pulled away” more? Everything we do, we do for a reason. We have something, or someone driving us.

The thought of choosing friends wisely has been on my heart for the last several weeks. My 6 year old son's Christian school is closing at the end of this school year. I’m officially terrified about our family’s educational future. You see, I went to public school from kindergarten through 12th grade. I saw all the different “groups” school had 15 years ago. I had to choose which group I was going to be in. I vividly remember having specific friends one year, and the following year, I wasn’t close to them anymore. They choose a path, and I choose a different path. Life is full of choices. The friends you choose today will shape the rest of your life.  My 6 year old son likes to play. He plays hard, (and all of his pants show a hole in the knee because of it.)  Because his mindset is on “play”, he doesn’t have the discernment to realize some kids may not be good kids to play with. He doesn’t think that way. He thinks of one thing: “PLAY”!   He doesn’t judge character yet, it comes with time. But I realized something recently. I need to start teaching my kids more fervently about character, and choosing friends with good character.. because after, all, their friends will make or break them.

Let’s look at what the Bible says about choosing the right kind of friends- the ones with character.

We need to be friendly in order to have friends. Proverbs 18:24 - A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. This is a key part to choosing friends. We want to not only choose friendly friends, but we want to BE friendly friends. The saying “we attract what we are” is true. If we are friendly, we will be drawn to friendly people. Friendly people are loving, joyous, peaceful, longsuffering, gentle, good, faithful, meek, temperate. Do these sound familiar? They are the fruits of the Spirit. If we are going to be selective in our friendship, and choose the right kinds of friends, we also need to realize the characteristics we need to possess.

We need to be selective about our friends. Encouraging, helpful friends are vital. Proverbs 13:20 - He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 22:24-25 - Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. The Bible clearly tell that foolish friends will destroy us. 1 Corinthians 15:33 - Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.This verse has been on my mind more than others. My husband and I have worked hard to teach our children good manners, good attitudes, and doing the right thing. It doesn’t take much effort for those good manners to be corrupted by a bad friend.  

It’s important as adults for us to choose our friends wisely, and It’s equally important to teach our children how to choose their friends wisely. 2 Corinthians 6:14 - Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? We see this verse often in reference to marriage, but it’s just as important in friendships. We should not have close friends who do no not have the same values as us. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the Great Commission, and trying to warn people about hell. I believe Heaven is real, and we can all go there if we’ve accepted Christ as our Saviour. I do believe, however, that our close friends will change us, and therefore, we need to be very selective with who we associate with. Proverbs 14:6-7 - A scorner seeketh wisdom, and findeth it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understandeth. Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge. After we are around someone for any length of time, we learn who they are. If they are not who we should be, we should not spend more time with them. It’s a simple concept. A hard concept to follow through with, but something we should all remember.

We need to be willing to tell a friend when they are wrong. They will make us, and we will make them. Communication is crucial in every relationship- including friendships. There are some hard conversations we need to have sometimes, but…. they are the most important ones.  Proverbs 27:17 - Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Sometimes, in our human nature, we make bad choices. Those choices, if not corrected, can affect the rest of our lives. There may be only a few, close friends you would listen to if they told you that you were making a bad decision. Those are the friends you need. Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. We are human, we make bad choices, we fall, we get back up. Life truly is an adventure. We need to have the kind of friends that will still love us when we fall, that will love us when we fly, and that will encourage us to always do the right thing. Proverbs 27:5-6 - Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.  Have you ever had a friend tell you the truth, even though it was hard to hear it? That’s the kind of friend we need to be. We do have to remember, however, that the right thing, said at the wrong time, is still not right.

The Parenting Roller Coaster

You read that right. It's a roller coaster. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE being a mother, I LOVE having three little people depend on me. I LOVE seeing three people develop into the person they were created to be... but this role- as a parent is a roller coaster. Sometimes, it feels like a constant roller coaster. We are however, commanded to do our very best at everything we do- including riding this parenting roller coaster.  

It’s a Spiritual Roller Coaster.

Sometimes, It seems as though I'm succeeding at my role, and my children are blossoming. Other times, I wonder "where did I go wrong?". The truth is The Bible clearly says in Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."  Just like adults, every child has strengths and weaknesses. We often put an, expectation on kids and expect them all to act the same, to be perfect, to learn the same, to control their behavior. In Proverbs 22:6, the Bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO.  Just like we are all made with different abilities, we are all made for a different purpose- a different goal in life. God has a plan for every person. We aren't supposed to force kids to be a mold of someone's ideal child. We are supposed to encourage and help them become what they should... in the the way he should go.  

It’s an Emotional Roller Coaster.

There have been times I've had to deal with the consequences of my children making the wrong decisions. It's not fun, it's not pretty, it's actually quite hard. Kids have the astonishing ability to become stubborn at an insanely young age. I don't necessarily believe stubbornness is a bad thing. It can be quite a good characteristic in an adult, but as  parents we can't stand it in our kids.

It’s a Physical Roller Coaster.

The constant ups and downs of chasing after kids, playing with kids, pushing them higher on the swing… it’s draining on one’s body!  Throw in practices, games, play dates, etc. and by the end of the day I crash. I crash hard. My husband always teases me because I could literally fall asleep anywhere. It doesn't matter where I am, if I’m tired, I can sleep. Maybe it’s a gift? Maybe it’s a curse? I really don’t know… but I do know that this job of parenting full time is exhausting… and it’s a roller coaster. There are good days, and unfortunately, there are bad days. I have days I feel awesome about, and days I feel terrible about.

God doesn't expect us to be perfect. God doesn't expect us to succeed all the time. God does however expect us to give Him our best.  Colossians 3:23-24 - And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;  1 Corinthians 10:31 - Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

Standing Still... Through the Pain

I love reading (although I never have a lot of time for it), so when I get the chance to read… I’m all over it! I recently read an article about having a “Pain Plan”. It sounds kinda crazy that someone would actually PLAN for pain, but the reality of it is simple. Pain happens. Pain is unavoidable. The article talks about how horrible pain really is, but despite it being a terrible thing to endure, it’s an amazing teacher. Pain happens, and we should be somewhat prepared to face it. Obviously, we will never be able to see too far ahead into our future. that’s not our job. Yes, pain teaches us. At the same time, our own pain that may hurt so deep, can also teach others as well. I've always tried to learn from other people and their pain, in the hopes I wouldn't have to go through some of the same trials.  

I was reminded recently how sharing our painful experiences may help other people. Our trials, our struggles, and how we face them may be the encouragement someone else needs to hear so they can face their own struggles. We've become people who are so concerned about what other people may think of us, that we are not willing to share some of our own personal struggles for fear of being judged, unaccepted, or unloved. In reality, there is not one single person who is perfect, who’s reached the stage of perfection here on this earth…  

Our perception of circumstances is greatly changed by the circumstances we have 1)personally been through 2)watched/ heard others go through. So, with these thoughts, I want to share some things God has been teaching me through pain. When we've been hurt in the past, we by nature, try to guard ourselves against a similar, painful experience. For instance, my husband and I worked in a church years ago. We loved (and still love) the people. We were loved and needed, we were useful.  After a few years, their children came back to work with them, and we really were no longer needed. We were not really even useful. God moved us to a different location. It was a very painful time. Leaving, letting go, and then adjusting into a new ministry. After several years at our new location, fear of our past circumstances came back. I was worried we were no longer needed, and that we were no longer useful. Pain is a powerful thing. Fear is a powerful thing. Together, they are a bad combination.  Fear of the unknown is not something God wanted us to have: Joshua 1:9 - Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

I had to come to a point in my life, despite the pain, despite the fear of the future, that God was in control. Even IF we were no longer needed, no longer useful, I needed to to my very best to serve God, not men. When I was able to put the feelings of uselessness aside (trust me, it was not, and still, even sometimes, is not easy!), God was able to use me in a way I never thought I could be used.  Yes, it was extremely painful for several months feeling like I was useless, and like I had been replaced… but that’s not at all what God had intended and planned for me. He had something AMAZING for me to do. I needed to “Stand Still” for a bit, so He could open my eyes for what He had planned. There are several verses in the Bible where we are reminded to wait for the Lord, to wait for His leading in our lives. Lamentations 3:25 - The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.  Psalms 27:14 - Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

God may have you in a very similar situation. You may be hurt, you may be afraid of something, you may be worn and weary. He wants you to “Stand Still”, despite the pain or fear you’re in so He can be glorified in other ways. It’s not easy… in fact it’s quite difficult for many of us to simply stand still and wait for God. He has a plan for our lives. He is in fact in control. Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.